Life to the Fullest by Donnelly Darrin

Author:Donnelly, Darrin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Shamrock New Media, Inc.
Published: 2017-12-07T00:00:00+00:00

22

“That was the ugliest thing these eyes have ever seen,” Big Jim said, snapping me back to the present at St. Mary’s Church. “To see my boys saying such awful things to each other…it ripped my heart out.”

I looked down at my hands, ashamed of the things I’d said to my little brother. Yes, he had hurt me with his comments, but I was far from innocent in this fight. I could see that now. I certainly was not as innocent as I had convinced myself I was in the years since.

“I didn’t mean it to come out so…judgmental,” I said. “I was hurt. But I went too far.”

“Yes, you did,” Big Jim said. “But don’t tell me. Tell him.”

Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, the thought of apologizing—of telling Andy I was sorry for what I had said—put a knot in my stomach. Why is it so hard to admit when we’re wrong?

It wasn’t going to be easy, but I knew that at some point I needed to reach out to my brother and try to make amends. He was my brother. And I missed him.

“He misses you too,” Big Jim said. He could either read my thoughts supernaturally or he simply knew what I was thinking by the way I was acting, as so many fathers can.

“I let my anger get the best of me that night,” I said. “I don’t think I’ve ever been angrier in my adult life. The things he was saying about my life and this town—wouldn’t you have been angry at him too?”

“You have to understand that Andy had some big shoes to fill here in Kingstown and, frankly, his heart was never in football the way yours was,” Big Jim said. “He had other interests. And for that—no matter how much I assured him otherwise—he always felt like he didn’t fit in here.”

“I don’t remember it that way,” I said. “I always remember him getting along with everyone and fitting in great.”

“Nobody knows what all is going on in someone else’s life. That’s why it’s so dangerous to judge others.”

“Still, can’t you agree with me that his career choices and his personal choices have gone against almost everything you taught us?”

“Like all of us, Andy is finding his way; he’s doing the best he can,” Big Jim said. I could tell he didn’t like me asking for his opinion on the matter—almost like he was being asked to gossip about one son with the other.

“Let me ask you a question,” Big Jim said. “Why do Andy’s choices bother you so much? Why can’t you just be happy for the success he does have without judging his shortcomings?”

Big Jim always had a way of asking questions that would reveal a person’s character.

Why did I care so much about Andy’s choices? What did his choices have to do with my life?

That’s when I realized the truth. I didn’t want to say it out loud, but I couldn’t avoid it any longer.

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